Four Interesting Things I’ve Learned About Life in Addis
My daughter & neighborhood kids climbing a unique tree in the countryside.
“How’s life in Addis Ababa?” I often get asked. I never quite knew how to answer that question succinctly. I mean… how is life in Addis? How can I sum it up in one sentence? First off, a big disclaimer: expats have extreme privilege here. Life in Addis is not the same for everyone and like most places, socioeconomics play a huge role in your perspective. Nevertheless, when a friend who lives in New York asked this question for what must have literally been the hundredth time, I decided to ponder on this and respond thoughtfully.
From our experience, life in Addis has been— for the most part— chill. Relaxed. Carefree. “Chigir yelem” is the most commonly used phrase, which translates to “No problem!” This sense of easygoingness shows up in the lifestyle and culture in a few marked ways.
Time is relative: As I’ve said, the lifestyle in Addis is laid back. To be honest, I’ve never met a more laid back people in my life. And I’m very familiar with CPT, but this is different.
First thing I noticed when I arrived here was that it’s common to give an approximate time for a meeting e.g., “lunch-time” rather than a specific hour. Now, you may eat your lunch at 2pm and I at noon. Regardless, we’ll say, “Let’s meet at the restaurant at lunch time.” On the day of our meeting, you handle your business, I handle mine, and then one of us calls the other when ready and says, “Hey, it’s lunch time! Should we meet now or…?”
This notion of time being relative also applies to deadlines. It’s common to be given a deadline for delivery of an item or a service and on the day the service is due, be told, “oh you want it ta-day, TODAY? So you see, the way electricity problems have been over the past few days…”
Now, I’m not saying there are no exceptions to the norm. There are and when you encounter them, it’s just an absolute delight and you recommend that service provider to everybody and their mamas, even if nobody nor their mamas is looking for that service. (e.g. I’ve recommended my curtains guy to everyone I know — whether they have windows or not. Just hire him. He’ll deliver on time!)
But yeah, time here is relative. Norms of white dominant culture and a sense of relentless urgency just do not reign here. After 30+ years of Western conditioning, Betre and I have had to tone that shit down because it gets you absolutely nowhere but on the ‘side-eye’d by everybody’ list. So, how’ve we adjusted? We —ok, mostly I— no longer go bananas when someone doesn’t have something ready on time. I just plan accordingly and expect for it to be done a week or two after the stated deadline. Voila! Then, it’s on time! See? Time is relative!
Reduced behavioral challenges in children: When it comes to raising kids, the same laid back theme carries through. A few days ago, I was talking to my friend in the U.S. who was stressing out about her son’s minor behavioral challenges. It took me back to the days of my own kid spazzing out at school and the constant slew of e-mails and calls I’d receive from teachers.
The texts and calls about my not-even-three-year-old (!) became so frequent that I found myself hunting for therapists and debating on whether or not it made sense to start therapy despite an upcoming move. Before we could even start the process, we moved to Addis. Here, my ‘challenging’ child is thriving because of this same laid-back culture. How?
Well, first of all, nobody is sending notes home that frequently. That’s just not the culture here: the obsessive amount of notes home would just be strange. A teacher would pull you aside at pick-up any day before you received that many notes.
Another huge factor here is that weather is constantly warm aside from the two-months during the ‘rainy season’ (July-September). In contrast, my hubby and I grew up in the North-Eastern part of the United States with four-seasons commonly known as: 1) too cold, 2) allergies, 3) too hot, and 4) 3-months of joy in pumpkin universe.
In this part of the world, kids play outside 9-to-10 months out of the year. They play outside A LOT. As in, all three of our kiddos have gotten more scabs and scars over the past few months than they did their entire lives in the U.S. Kids are not cooped up watching TV and eating tons of sugary, pre-packaged food all day long. And sometimes, that’s all they need to cut the crap and stop the weird shit like biting other kids. (On a side note, do you ever wonder what would happen if you walked around biting your most annoying colleagues? No? Just me? M’kay, never-mind.)Car Seats & stair railings — totally optional inventions: My dearest America is quite obsessive, I’ve come to learn during my time here. Lawyers and lawsuits make everyone lose their damn minds (present company not included, obviously.)
When we first arrived to Addis with three car seats for our two, very tall preschoolers and one toddler, folks were bewildered. “You only need one; who are the other two for?” we were earnestly asked. The idea of putting two 50-lb, 4-foot tall kids into a carseat was perplexing in the eyes of locals. Nobody does it aside from expats (hello, us!). Eager to un-expatize, we, too, soon abandoned the carseat for our two older ones. My kids got so used to this that they were absolutely baffled 5-months later when we returned to the States and they had to go back into boosters. I tried to explain the way Child Protective Services is set up in the United States but my audience just wasn’t interested. As I’ve come to observe, even newborns are often just carried on their caregiver’s lap. The American in me is still trying to get used to this one. Hey, change is a gradual process.
On this same note of safety, stairs in half of the buildings I’ve been to over the past year do not have railings. To top it off, most of the stairs are made of ceramic. Can you imagine the dollar signs in the eyes of that personal injury lawyer on your local billboard? Haven’t fallen so far though. Stay tuned…!Everyone has a guy for everything: In a world where Yelp isn’t a thing, everyone has a guy for, well, everything! You have a guy for curtains, a guy who helps find a trustworthy cook, a guy who can deliver your envelope to that office, a guy who’ll book that tour for you, a guy who does woodwork…you catch my drift. It’s rare that you’d google and find someone reliable. Moreover, if I call your guy and mention I know you, I automatically get the friends and family treatment. If I call him cold, I run the risk of him saying, “hmm…and you are…?”
So who can mount your TV for you if you decide to up and move to Ethiopia? Or who can make a crib for your baby? Just ask me and I’ll ask around: I’m sure someone has a guy. ;)