A Modern Day, Luxury-filled Habesha Fairytale
There are very few things in life I love more than a hype Habesha wedding. The music, the hailogah, the dancing, the food, the sinibit…I just love all of it. If I didn’t have more self-respect, I may have just been a professional wedding crasher. (Boo for self-dignity.) Seriously though, if your date ever ditches you for a wedding, count me in. ;)
Anyway, last month, I went to a fantastical wedding that was the Habesha version of a Midsummer Night’s Dream. In other words, it was a luxurious, all-out fairytale. Quite literally, the theme for the wedding was “A Royal Fairytale.” The bride, Tsion —a family-friend— is an incredible planner. Although she is quite small and petite herself, that’s where the smallness ends because Tsion does everything up in a big, major way. So it’s no surprise that when it came time for her nuptials, decided to go out all out and curate the wedding of her dreams.
Guess how many flowers this arrangement took…
As I’ve been posting and sharing content from the wedding on our Instagram page @blackexpatfamily, I also wanted to share a little more about the cultural festivities and traditions that surrounded this 500+ person wedding.
Telosh
Typically, Habesha wedding festivities kick off a few days before the main ceremony with a “telosh.” This event takes place in the bride’s family’s house and it’s an opportunity for the groom’s family to give the bride gifts which may range from clothing to shoes to jewelry. The night typically continues on with food, dancing, and mixing and mingling of family members from both sides.
While in this case, Tsion and her groom Ermyas opted out of a telosh, they had a series of engagement parties hosted by friends and family leading up to the wedding that presented plenty of opportunities for their huge circle to shower them with love.
The Wedding Day Marathon
3 AM: The day started at 3am, with the bride, bridesmaids, and immediate family members starting on the hair and makeup process. The bride hired Ethiopian celebrity makeup artist Marzel and hairstylist Be’ewenetu for the big day.
The gorgeous couple
Hialogah
9am - 1pm: Tsi’s family, bridesmaids, and friends of roughly 150 people gathered at her family house to pre-game for the big day and take family photos, courtesy of Abyssinia Photo Studio.
Around 1pm, the groom and groomsmen arrived at Tsi’s family’s house, accompanied by his close family members. That’s when the hailogah began. In traditional Habesha weddings, the “first look” typically takes place when the groom and groomsmen barge their way into the bride’s parents’ house. As they sing songs (most popularly, the hailogah song) and try to shove and push their way in, members of the bride’s family push back, all in a very Helen-of-Troy-like fashion. The bride just sits pretty surrounded by her clique. The whole thing is admittedly very testosterone filled, and it can get quite pushy so if you’re not into crowds and shoving, steer clear of the hailogah. (Seriously, I know people who’ve had a toenail or two missing from getting stomped during a hailogah wedding rave.)
This is all symbolic of course, and no police are present at the scene as the wedding is very much a willed union. After some shoving and pushing, Ermy and his groomsmen made it into the house, and he saw his stunning bride for the first time.
The Marriage Ceremony
By 3pm, a group of close friends, family, and of course the bridal party —which included my joyful 6-year old daughter as a flower girl— traveled to a gorgeous park near the Hilton Hotel for the marriage ceremony. The ceremony was incredibly touching and culminated with Ermy gifting Tsion’s 7-year old daughter, Soliana, with a precious ring around a chain, symbolic of his promise to be the best father he could be to her. At the ceremony itself, there was a gigantic flower archway, all the brilliant work of Diva Decor Addis Ababa, a well-known events company in Addis known for their stunning work.
The beautiful flower girls: my six year old and the bride’s 7 year old (left and right)
The Evening Get Down Aided by Johnny Walker
The evening festivities took place at the Intercontinental Hotel in Addis Ababa. No detail was spared as hundreds of thousands of flowers adorned the banquet hall that was prepared for the evening’s 500+ wedding guests.
The Kitfo, Ayb, and Gomen
Y’all. The food was absolutely divine. It was a buffet-style spread of more than 50 different dishes ranging from traditional Habesha food such as doro wot (the traditional spicy chicken and egg stew), to kitfo (beef tartar), ayb (Ethiopian cottage cheese minced with spices), and gomen (collard greens); tire sega (strips of beef tartar) to alicha wot (mild beef stew). They didn’t skimp out on the Western dishes either: there was quite a spread of European foods, of course including lasagna and arrosto (roasted meat, aka a Habesha favorites.) Lastly, there was a decadent dessert spread as well.
On each table, there was a bottle of the Scotch Whiskey brand Johnny Walker (an Ethiopian favorite often jokingly dubbed “Yohannes Aramde” which is a direct translation of JW), and as Tsi and Ermy danced the night away, they were surrounded by hundreds of their friends and family members, which both shared was the most important factor for both of them.
Sinibit
An emotions-filled sinibit as the bride and groom give eternal gratitude to her parents
My favorite part of Habesha weddings is the emotions-filled sinibit at the end of the party (which usually winds down around 1 or 2am). Sinibit roughly translates to “farewell.” At the end of the wedding, elders and those who’ve played an important role in the lives of the bride and groom sit in a line-up, and the bride and groom go down the line kissing and thanking the elders. Oftentimes, they kiss the knees and fall to the feet of the elders who’ve most impacted them. It’s all very emotional but also reflective of the notion that it takes a village to raise a child, something Ethiopians hold very true. Thankfully, it’s at the end of the night so if your makeup is destroyed… all good.
This time around, I admittedly didn’t stay till the end of the night as I’m an undercover granny who’s usually in bed by 10pm, but I did get clips from an earlier in the day sinibit, as the bride and groom were leaving Tsi’s parents’ home. See the clip above.
The Melse
“After the party it’s the afterparty….”
Two days after the wedding , the family hosted a melse, the traditional afterparty. The origins and idea of the melse are as follows. Traditionally, after the bride went to her husband’s village post-wedding, the bride’s melse (which translates to “return”) to her village along with her new husband would be celebrated by her family and loved ones, and they’d host small (and large) family gatherings in honor of them.
In modern day culture, melses have taken new shape. For one, recognizing the financial and time constraints wedding guests have, many of whom fly into town (or country, in Tsi’s case with hundreds of family members who’d flown into Addis Ababa from the US specifically for the wedding), couples usually host weddings and melses in fair proximity to one another. It’s not uncommon for weddings to take place on Saturdays and melses on Sundays or Mondays following the wedding. Second, it’s not uncommon for family members from both sides to host melses, and wedding afterparties can drag on for weeks (and months in some cases) with numerous relatives hosting a melse that can range from wedding sized to small and intimate. In this case, Tsi and Ermy had TEN melses.
The melse immediately following the wedding was held at Ghion Hotel, and also carried over the royal theme from the wedding. Tsi and Ermy sat on these grand royal wooden chairs that were once used by royalty in Ethiopia, and wore kabas –adorned traditional cloaks. There were gorgeous mesobs (handwoven baskets), tej (honey wine), and other stunning traditional Habesha touches.
“More than all the royalty, more than all the fun, more than everything, our goal was simple: to be surrounded by all our family and loved ones as we became husband and wife. And we got that” the blissful bride said.
Who’s getting married next? I’ll be there. ;)
[FYI: You can check out more wedding and melse footage on our IG page @blackexpatfamily this week and next.]